blog fail.

So once again it's been awhile. I've had moments where I've wanted to write but I always find an excuse not to. I've even sat at the computer, just waiting for my fingers to start typing but nothing happens. They just sit on the keys motionless. My life the past few months has been hectic crazy busy hard, things have happened that I'm not quite ready to process through writing yet. I have felt every emotion possible in the past few months and it's just been hard. But it seems like for every hard thing that's been going on, multiple good things have happened that keep my chin up. For example, I got my voice back.

I don't know where exactly I lost my voice but I've found it again and it's so good to have it back. I feel like I had a HUGE voice in high school. I didn't really stay quiet when I saw the injustices of the small town I grew up in. I was bullied a lot but not even the girl who kept writing about my "penis" on the bathroom stalls and kept calling me a dyke could quiet me (Just in case you are reading this. I forgive you, and I apologize for that creative writing assignment I wrote about you).  Then I got a job in the big city, fell in love and the shock of not only moving out of the small town, but living with a man really made me be silent. It was kind of like Ariel in the Little Mermaid where she gives her voice up for legs. I guess in a way I gave mine up for the big city adventure with my love. I just couldn't figure out how to do both, until now. I definitely couldn't have done it without Jason, he has truly been the prince that defeats Ursala and gets me my voice back. I would equate Ursala to my anxiety. It has kept me from so much these last few years and it's starting to get better. Just last week I was at our community group and I was on fire, I was talking to people left and right. And dangit it felt good! (So excited about the people we are getting to know, and how all our relationships are growing. )

We have so much adventure-ing to do and I'm so glad that I have my voice back so I can actually enjoy it and not be a shell of myself. (Ha, shell of myself. So many mermaid references today. I am my mother. and proud of it.)

happy happy happy