Tuesday, February 26, 2013

let me be emo for a moment...

I have always had an issue with sticking with things. 

Recently I was reminded of this, and as always it was a slap in the face. You would think it would piss me off to the point of proving myself. That I would get this sudden burst of passion for whatever it is and be brilliant at it. But instead it makes me cower and prove how true it is. 

I don't know where it comes from. Maybe a fear of failing or disappointing people around me. I feel like if I set the bar really low then there is no room to upset anyone. Or maybe it's that I get bored with things and want to move onto the next exciting adventure. Sadly I am pretty sure it's a mixture of the first two. 

I've never really been a crowd pleaser in life but I think know I need approval and support from the important people in my life. I never want to let my family or friends down. Just the thought of disappointing them creates a huge achey feeling in the pit of my stomach. So what's the best way to not let them down? Not to try. 

That has been my secret plan ever since I can remember. And I hate it. I long to find something I am really good at that I can stick with and make the people I love proud of me. 

totally an emo post.

One thing I know i'm pretty dang good at is being this kids mom.
I hope I always make him proud.

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